We all have embarrassing moments in life, it’s okay, we understand. Trust us. So to celebrate the release of Top Ten Clues You’re Clueless, we asked Liz Czukas to bare her soul and share her most epic fails. Here’s what she had to say:
When RT asked me for my most embarrassing moments, I said “Sure!” without hesitation. Except then I realized I probably didn’t hesitate because I’m actually really hard to embarrass. I guess that you could call it self-confidence, but more likely, it’s that I had to let go of embarrassment quickly given my propensity to do foolish things. So, in that spirit, I present you with my Top Five Most Embarrassing Moments!
Top Five Most Embarrassing Moments
5. This isn’t so much a moment as a state of being. To say that I am athletically disinclined would be a bit of an understatement. I literally cannot think of a single time in my entire life that I wasn’t picked dead last in gym class. Kids on crutches got picked before me. Kids with a cloud of funk around them like Pigpen from Peanuts got picked before me. You could actually watch team captains do the mental math and figure out who was going to get stuck with me.
Lisa, girl I feel you.
4. I had to get an Echocardiogram when I was 17, which is already a somewhat uncomfortable experience as it involves having piles of hot gel spread all over your left boob for about an hour. So imagine my joy when my ECHO tech was a young hottie. Yeah, just what every 17 year-old girl wants — a gorgeous 20-something guy in a dimly lit room with only her left breast hanging out and a tube of conductive gel.
Can we make small talk, too? ‘Cause that always makes me comfortable.
3. I’m a theater girl to the core. I did plays for the sake of doing plays. I didn’t even care what they were. So I ended up in some real doozies — did you know there’s a musical version of Kurt Vonnegut’s God Bless You Mr. Rosewater? There is — but I always gave it my all. And then the day came where I was in the middle of a lengthy soliloquy and the entire thing went completely out of my head. The silence that stretched out lasted approximately 700 years, give or take.
Line? Line? LINE!
2. I started writing as soon as I realized that was a thing people did. Back then, it was all in spiral notebooks I kept stashed around my room. Once, when I was home from college, I stumbled across such a notebook and re-read a story I’d written when I was about 13. It was so shockingly bad I wanted to set not only the notebook, but my entire house on fire to make it go away. I settled on throwing all of my old writing away, but it was a close thing there for a while.
Yes. Yes it was.
1. This is truly the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. I still cringe in horror thinking about it. The scene: a 14 year-old girl goes to an amusement park with her friends wearing white shorts. She gets her period, but doesn’t realize it until she goes on a water ride, which spreads what might have been a small stain in the crotch into well over a square foot of watered-down blood all over her lap. She has no change of clothes, and it is the first hour of a full-day trip to ride the rolly-coasters. Later, a “helpful” ride operator tells her she’s got blood all over her shorts while she waits for her friends to get off the next train. Over the P.A.
My inner 8th grader weeps even now.
— Liz Czukas
Top Ten Clues You’re Clueless is out now, so run to your favorite store today! And for more author stories, books and buzz, check out the Everything YA page!